The Diamond in the Window

OK, I Lied—But Just Because I Had to Do this One We Recommend, with update

OK, yeah, I'm out of the business, I don't do that anymore—but there's one last heist...and I'm going to need all of your incredible skills.

Here's what happened. A loved one, who is also a social worker, called with this situation. (I will condense and paraphrase.)

She works in a public elementary school where there has been a recent spate of 5th grade girl-on-girl emotional violence in the form of hacking each other's Instagram (and other social media, I imagine?) accounts, as well as emails sent that include unpleasant graphic sexual commentary. Yes, yes—this is terrible, but that's just the context.

Some of the perpetrators were caught, and brought to our friend the social worker (praise be!) to get straightened out. Conversations were had. One girl—a 5th grader, remember—is an extremely beautiful, smart, physically developed Latina. She looks, in the words of the social worker, like a gorgeous 16 year old. In the most recent meeting she wept. "No one ever talks about anything but my face and my body. The only thing the boys in the class talk about is my body. They talk about my body parts all the time."

Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. All these things working together—children, rape culture, sexism, race (I have no doubt), social media, 5th grade, being a person. But for us the question is, what can we give this child to read? She feels alone, but she is not alone. 

See why I had to take this one?

My thoughts on this are varied and possibly not all that helpful. First I thought of Speak, but that is too grown up, too much acting as though what people see when they look at her is the truth.

Then I thought of going in a whole other direction with an old favorite, First Test: Protector of the Small. This is the story of the first girl who trains as a page. It is about learning your own power.

Then I thought of—ok, don't laugh—the greatest of them all, Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. Because who remembers Laura? The girl who they socially torture because she has big breasts? Whom no one will speak to? But yeah, she's not the center of the book.

OK, people, I know I'm quitting—we're all quitting!—but I need you now! Or really, this kid needs you. She needs a book to remind her that she is not alone, that she is who she thinks she is. Bonus points if you can offer her a Latinx author. Extra bonus points if you can think of a book to make the boys in her class shut up and learn something about other people's humanity.

You all remember how to do this, right? Put your ideas in the comments, social worker will look here, books will make their way to the girl—let's do this!

 

UPDATE: Chestnut strongly believes that a book should be gotten for the boys as well, the ones who are spending all their time talking about this girl's "body parts," something, perhaps, that might remind them of the humanity of others? She wants the teacher to be able to have them all read it. In a curriculum this might be hard to fit, but I do think it is an excellent idea. 

In Which I Am Highly Suggestible

Thank you all for your incredibly helpful suggestions. Sometimes I don't say anything about having such a remarkably pleasant group of readers here, for fear of jinxing it (I'm mature and reasonable that way), but it must be said: You are all quite wonderful.

And since you all recommended Doll Bones to me, I went out to my local library, which was very helpful, having three (!) copies in stock. I borrowed it and read it right away, pausing only because the dastardly Chestnut filched it from me.

What a lovely book it is! Told from the point of view of the boy in a trio of friends (two girls, one boy), it is spooky and heartfelt and it represents oh so clearly the muddled, conflicted, joyful, fearful state of being in 7th grade and being pulled in a million directions, not knowing who you really are yet, not being quite ready to grow up but here it comes anyway. And it's scary, but not terrifying, more creepy than outright horror. As with so many books, the age of the protagonists seems about three years older than the age of the ideal readers—or maybe that's just my vision?—but it's sweet and, more important, it seemed to thrum with truthfulness: the jealousy towards the kid whose parents never clean the house, the constant conflict among the friends, the wish, so painful and poignant, for magic to be real.

Anyway, this book is another thing to thank you all for. And for those of you who have readers in the house, or awaiting you at holiday gatherings, this is an excellent thing to bring them.

Freeing Your Daughter, and Yourself

This is a novel written for adults.

However.

I can see that it might be just the thing for girls who are torturing themselves, in one way or another, about their weight, as so often happens. For them it will either be the wakeup Feminism 101 call so many people experience in college, or...or I don't know what. Maybe it will be their doorway to enlightenment. Or maybe they'll just think it's funny and great. Maybe it will be too much for them? But for most teens, I don't think so.

Enough dithering: the book is Dietland.

 

It's a coming-of-age, coming into one's own story of a revolutionary. And the revolutionary? She's a fat girl. This book traces her funny yet rage-filled journey from self-hatred, to dawning consciousness, to rage, to self-acceptance, to POWER.

What I think is awesome: We don't talk so much about how our culture views fat, and fat people, especially fat women. And it's important to see it, own it, and understand it. And we don't hear so much about how it feels to be fat, fat enough that people comment on it, and I am so glad to get that voice out there. We also don't get to see so much rage coming from girls and women, and it's (for me) incredibly refreshing. The book goes far—so far!—in its radicalism, and while I don't know that I could throw myself behind every one of its precepts, I am so gratified that Walker did. She committed herself fully and thoroughly, and that is inspiring. Also the ending: what an ending! Hooray for good endings! Hooray for exciting and unexpected books!

What was not so awesome: Some of the rage splatters a bit. When lashing out at the hurtful world, our heroine sometimes went for what read to me as homophobia, and it bummed me out. There was no narrative acknowledgement of how this might be problematic—she accuses some nasty men of wanting to be with little boys, and it just—it just felt bad to me. There are some patches in the writing where it felt more like notes rather than a fully fleshed out novel. Sometimes the book felt like a great kind of raw, and other times it felt like "this could be more cooked" kind of raw.

All in all though, it was fun and interesting and somehow thrilling to read. I would be all for leaving it out on the coffee table for any girl (or boy) to read, fat or not, because like all good books it will increase their world. 

I haven't run it by Chestnut or Diana yet, as I gave my copy to my best friend. Which says it all right there.

When I get another copy, I will leave it out for them to read. I can't wait to hear what they will say.

For the Boys (and Girls)

I rode in a car with my nephews last week, and Readers, I have learned much. I have long known (and cherished knowing) that there are books out there that speak in a particular way to everyone, but I saw this one up close and personal, and...wow. I give you:

Can you guess what it's about? I bet you can.

My excellent nephews were listening to the audio book, and they couldn't wait to get back in the car to listen to it at any and every opportunity. I was treated to the extended play-by-play that is the book's last section: the Big Game. A lot of passages like "he bounced a pass off the backboard!" They were rapt. 

This is exactly the sort of book that needs to find its way into the hands of more kids, because they will be so happy. Kids who can follow play by play and know what it means (unlike me). Kids who are all about whether the travel team will win the big game. 

Do you have or know this sort of kid? Find this book—there are apparently tons of them, lots of team books—and give it to him. Or her. I am endlessly happy these exist, because we will all, at one time or another, come across the person who needs it, and we'll know just what to do.

6th Grade, Reading, and...Romance?

First, I must say that what I'm about to relay is based on hearsay. I am not the person going out with a sixth grader (hooray), nor the parent of the sixth graders in question—heck, I'm not even at the school in question.

But.

I found this tale fascinating (sort of) and you will see why:

An unnamed parent of a sixth grade boy reports that her sixth grade son has a girlfriend.

OK—not exactly typical, but neither is it uncommon. Proceed:

The sixth grade girlfriend of this sixth grade boyfriend had a specific request, and she (allegedly) noted that it was really important to her, and would help him better understand her. Would he please read The Fault in Our Stars?

To which I say: huh? I mean, I know that in that selfsame book the girlfriend requests that the boyfriend read a book. And so maybe it seems like, "Oh yeah, this is something people do." And it is something people do. But is it something that sixth grade people do? In your neck of the woods? And to better understand them?

In our neck of the woods, boys are routinely classified as "good kid" or "jerk," nothing more, and the idea that someone would have enough clarity about herself to say, "You should read this book in order to better understand me," is both thrilling and mystifying. I don't think I would think to do this, and if I did I have no idea what book it would be.

You? Would you do this? Have you done this? Were you in 6th grade? What was the book?

Help me understand other people, please.

We Recommend: How to Understand Girls, 8-Year-Old Boy Edition

It’s We Recommend! In which we post a request that's been sent to us, and do our best to get that person the right book. Know a kid who needs a book to read? Send us (thediamondinthewindow (at) gmail (dot) com) his or her likes, dislikes, favorites, quirks, and any other reading information that might be helpful, and we will think on it, and pose it to our oh-so-helpful readers. And look in the comments—all the best recommendations are there.

Hello, you old-fashioned readers of blogs, you! I'm still here, writing a blog! I promise that this time I'll make it worth your while, because we have a really interesting request, guaranteed to make you think hard about books, gender, age, and humanity—everything you like! Maybe!

My eight year old grandson has many interests and reads above grade level. He enjoys nonfiction right now having recently finished Harry Potter and wanting a change. Since he has a crush on a girl in his second grade class, he asked for some books that would help him understand her and girls in general! A friend told him to read the Dork diaries, but I know that is not where he needs to be so any suggestions will be appreciated.

Wow. The old "Help me understand girls" dilemma. Often also phrased as "Help me understand boys." Or just "Help" for short.

I've been thinking about this for a few days, and here's what I've come up with. 

1) There is no such thing as understanding girls. 

See, the premise of the the Dork Diaries is that there is a class of human beings, girls, and they act a certain way, and this is so funny, ha ha!

But of course, what he really wants is to understand the girl in his class, and what do we know about her? Nothing! It's (comparatively) easy to "understand" groups of people rather than a specific person. For example, in some countries, "groups of people" will be offended if a woman has uncovered hair. We can understand this. But that doesn't help us to understand a specific person in that country very much; it might help to know that this is a belief in his country, just as it might help this boy to know the burden of stereotyping and society and who knows what else that have gone into forming this girl. But it won't help him understand her attachment to, say, Barbies or Star Wars or dogs. Or that she likes cookies, or is the youngest and is bossed around all the time, or is exceptionally strong, and likes to push heavy things.

The only way (I think) to understand girls, or at least to understand a girl, or to try to understand this girl in particular, is to know her.

However (oooh, I feel like the Wizard of Oz now), I do have something that might help him understand that girls are, after all, people, and as such are difficult to understand, and yet well worth it. That is, a book that is about not girls in general, but a girl in particular, and such a fully realized and true girl that it will help remind him that they (we) are simply people, like himself.

The other advice I would give him (that we should be clear would work with me and might not work with all girls, but is worth a try): bring an extra cookie and offer it to her. That goes a long way in connecting to others.

Do you have other ideas? Complementary? Contradictory? Put them in the comments, please!

What Did You Buy at the Library Book Sale?

You know we love a library book sale. It's where you find the random crazy book you never knew you wanted, while supporting your local library, and in my case, unfortunately stand too close to someone who definitely smelled like poop. (Oh god, I don't think I will get poop out of my vocabulary now that I have children. It's just...there. Alas.)

Anyway, I got this:

I think it will be quick and thrilling. And also this:

And maybe something else that I have forgotten because of my loose, lax brain.

But here's the thing that I found most interesting. Diana, let free among the stacks, purchased this:

Well. That was refreshing. I did not expect this at all.

How do political mindsets get formed? Certainly a person listens to her parents. And of course I am a feminist. But Diana is (I would say) far more politically conscious and aware than I am, and than I was. And she's more...radical. Which is a little bit exciting and a little bit terrifying.

Still, I was surprised. She had money and was in a library, and there was a whole bin of books with ancient celtic fonts that basically screamed. "We're about magic!" Or maybe, "We're about magyck!"

And, as I always do, I wonder what this is an omen of.

So far, she says, "It's pretty dated."

!

"It talks about George Bush a lot, which just doesn't feel relevant, but it's pretty good."

I feel there is some personality test I can market in which I give you $5 and send you into a library booksale, and then I see what you come out with. The only problem: I don't know yet exactly how to read the results. I am working on it. If you tell me what this all means, I will share my millions with you.

Half-Baked Ideas: On Girls, Teeny Tiny Things, and Reading

Chestnut is interested in dollhouses. And I admit it: they are cool. There's something compelling about seeing the various things from regular life shrunk down to teeny, tiny size.

Here's what I don't understand: what is the link (if there is one) (and I think there is) between 1) being a girl, 2) passionately loving teeny tiny things, and 3) reading a certain type of book? I don't exactly mean Little Women (ouch! Sorry, too obvious), but, you know, old fashioned books. Here's what I'm talking about.

We went to the crazy dollhouse store on the upper east side. And we saw this:

Or maybe you need more scale, and a clearer sense of what we are talking about:

Yes: Old-fashioned books. And also—well, see for yourself.

I don't want to get all gender-crazy on you, though of course that's sort of what this post is about, but the books, this whole scaled-down aesthetic in general, it all appeals to a certain kind of person. Or maybe I'm wrong? And yes, that is the world's tiniest hamster/guinea pig + cage up there. Because...because this is an obsessive's dream.

But do you see up there? It all comes back to books, I really think it does.

What gives? Is it...the desire for unreality that unites tiny things and books? Is it some vague cutesy aura that hovers over both? Is it about power, and girls think that to do whatever the hell they want they have to make it really, really tiny?

Or is just fun to take a trip to crazytown sometimes?

Welcome to our alternate universe. Would you like a tiny banana? I will go off now to become a giant hand model

Who Do You Like?

I was actually going to ask, "Who Do You Have a Crush on?" but the more common formulation seems to be, "Who do you like?" (RIP, poor whom), and they don't even bother with "You know, like like."

Who are "they" you ask? Why, they are middle schoolers. You may remember them from your youth as "kids in junior high" or simply, "some kids." And they care who you like, and they care about the whole phenomenon of liking, and who can blame them? Their bodies are going crazy, they are almost teenagers but still secretly play at home, and they have to confront things like Taylor Swift and somehow make sense of them.

However. If your child is (or if, in fact, you are) being subjected to these questions day in and day out, and you just want a break, a moment where that isn't what everyone is thinking and talking about every single second, I have a solution. Or rather, I have three. And, of course, they are all books. And they are random. First, for the person who still wants a realistic fiction book, but wants to think about something other than romantic relations, there is this:

She goes to middle school. Her friends...change. She survives.

Then, for those who are zany, and also ambitious readers, there is this:

It is nuts, in the best possible way.

For those who are, perhaps, gentler, and willing to deal with romance as long as it's inter-species, this is a comforting friend to return to. And blissfully less sassy than the movie.

Maybe no one is asking you who you like. Or maybe you do like someone, and want to talk about it. If so, carry on, by all means.

But if you just want a moment of being away from that ubiquitous question, or to be in a time and space where no one is asking you, a moment with one of these books will provide respite.

The Annual Non-Literary Request

Hello, all:

Chestnut is, once again, participating in a punchathon to raise money for the Center for Anti-Violence Education. Here is the statement from her website:  

i am trying to raise money for teens, transgender people, women, and victims of violence to give them free self-defense classes.

It is a noble cause, and if you're looking for something to donate to it's a great organization.